Funny English Errors

Funny English Errors is a new book of unconsciously humorous uses – and misuses – of English.

The forthcoming book will include 301 genuine specimens. Read below for just a small selection of funny English errors, some of which will appear in the book. And join the book's Facebook page for updates.

School essays and exam answers
English

See English Grammar Mistakes

Geography
  • The equator is a menagerie lion running around the center of the earth
  • In Russia there are vast carnivorous forests
  • Rivers flow because no-one can stop them
History
  • In preparation for the channel crossing Caesar built 18 new vesuls vessils vesles botes
  • Abraham Lincoln was born in a log cabin that he built with his own hands
  • Jefferson believed in laissez-fairyism
Law and government
  • The seats of Senators shall be vaccinated every six years
  • A child’s definition of jury: A body of men organized to find out which has the smartest lawyer
  • Ethics is a county in England
Mathematics
  • An angle is a triangle with only two sides
  • A triangle is a square with only three corners
  • The line opposite the right angle is a right-angled triangle and is called the hippopotamus
Religion and society
  • Sins of omission are those we have forgotten to do
  • The seventh commandment (translated by a 4 year old): Thou shalt not kick a duckery
  • Thou shalt not come into the country
Science
Microscopes.gif
  • Ice is water that staid out in the cold too late and went to sleep
  • Air is the most necessary of all the elements; if there were no such thing as air I would not be writing this essay now; also there would be no pneumatic tires, which would be a sad loss
  • Some oxygen molecules help fire to burn while others choose to help make water, so sometimes it is brother against brother
Miscellaneous
  • Guerrilla warfare was when men rode on gorillas
  • A sob is when a feller don’t mean to cry and it bursts out all by itself
  • Unlike the human being the camel has two lumps
Newspapers
News
  • Tiny Babies Do Worse in Exams
  • Testimony Taken in Book Case
  • Austrian Fleet Bombards Montenegro’s Only Teapot
Public notices
For sale
  • Coffee, 39 cents lb. Stock up and Save. Limit: One.
  • Handsome black silk golf goat (large size)
  • Roofing: Its bright red color is permanent and will remain permanent
big-nose.jpg
Witness says:
"I saw a man digging a well with a big nose."

Signs
  • Barber's sign: Hair cut while you wait
  • Butcher's sign: Try our sausages. None like them.
  • A tailor’s guarantee: If the smallest hole appears after six months’ wear, we will make another absolutely free
A pearl was found today by a sailor in a shell
Found:
A pearl was found today by a sailor in a shell

Lost
  • A small pony belonging to a young lady with a silver mane and tail
  • Wallet belonging to a young man made of calf skin
  • A collie dog by a man on Saturday answering to Jim with a brass collar around his neck and a muzzle
Wanted
  • Two strong, clean youths for sausages
  • Precast concrete man
  • Woman to run up curtains
Other
  • From a list of forthcoming productions at the Theatre Royal: Boo early.
  • The fees for burial will in the future be doubled, in order to meet the increased cost of present-day living
  • Every woman who wants the most economical new garment, should buy tomorrow’s newspaper
Wanted: A room by two gentlemen 30 feet long and 20 feet wide
Wanted:
A room by two gentlemen 30 feet long and 20 feet wide